all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
