He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
