I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
