the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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