I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
