I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
