I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
