Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
