I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my liver is dry heaving
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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