Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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