we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize