I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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