no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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