First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
