someone threw a dead crab at me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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