I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
