everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
