i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
