Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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