3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
