Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
