I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
