Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize