I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
