I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
