just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
