Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
