I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
