New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
