I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
