Where did you get a picture of my penis
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
