Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
