Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize