i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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