I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
