my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
