i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
