??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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