when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Will exercising make me less horny?
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