Old men and throwing up are my life now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize