I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
