My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
40s are totally the cure
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
