she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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