If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize