We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
