You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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