My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
