Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
