90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
