no, he came in my armpit
I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
