I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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