I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
