i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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