Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
