8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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