You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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