I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
