Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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