Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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