When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
