it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
