the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
