My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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