I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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