if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
