his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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