today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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