this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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