hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
